SerenitySavage

The vile golden bile Drips from parched lips As uncontrollable convulsions Grip the organs between tensed hips Waves of nausea Worse than any pain Drown me in an ocean of agony If I believed in God, this is where I'd pray Nothing left to emit But insides still set to twist Wrenching at an angry core Gripped in disease's tight fist Words can't adequately express When anxiety's at it's peak The feeling of ultimate distress No end in sight, with no relief Only an opioid induced reprieve Stops the cycle of my body's self-inflicted pain With no explanation as to why My guts turned on me in vain Until the next time Nonexistent immunity comes out to play Leaving me begging for death Whipping me around like a renegade Sick forever The truth of this life for me With every good day I have I know that it won't be free I am possessed by Crohn's Disease And it's obsession with me I've choked on the fleeting hope of control...

The unspoken Words with no voice Tucked away in the mind Denial always the first choice When jesters and gestures Reveal all that is hidden Some thoughts are universal While others quite forbidden When will anguish Come knocking down the door? All that's ever certain Is that there will be always be more The universe will swallow you whole As you are broken down and digested Dusty fragments of us get lost In time's great investment Hold your tongue Plead and medicate Worry all you want No one will beat fate

If I could wear my shame like a hat, it would be Kentucky derby massive. So obnoxiously flashy and arrogant with extravagant feathers that keeps poking me in the eye. I would never take it off, except to add more bedazzle. More layers of organza, ribbons, and tulle one pound at a time. Once it is full of disgrace, I would place it back upon my head like a royal crown of ignominy. It would sparkle and shine for everyone to see. Until one day that it gets so heavy that my neck begins to strain and I decide it needs to be removed, put down. I know your hat is heavy, too and your head must be so tired. Lets take the headgear off, set them both on fire. Silently we will watch as the dead birds dance, featherless ashes will fill the sky. While we are it, let's just shave our heads. Start with brand new growth around our brains. We will no longer be ashamed for being betrayed. We are both tired of being portrayed as the villain. We have stopped remembering why we loved each other ...

He called me "Baby" again This man I no longer even consider a friend He might as well have said mam or miss Some generic term for a female or bitch Any man that calls me baby, or honey, or boo Can keep rolling past If you can't say my name I'll impolitely take a pass Because it means there are others He calls by the same Wouldn't want the ladies to get mixed up That would just be a damn shame I found what I needed Pulled it from my own guts I want to pulverize his memory Grind it into dust When the pressure was on Diamonds he did not make He was just crapping coal To start a fire in my wake I write because no one listens Maybe they'll read instead If it serves no other purpose At least it gets out of my head

It is bad enough to be diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. The symptoms and fatigue can be overwhelming and a person's life is thrown into a tornado of pain, denial, and disease. Imagine always having no idea what's around the corner. What many people don't understand is that what comes after the initial diagnosis of an incurable disease is a trial by error guessing game. In the beginning, when the first persistent symptoms start to turn into something uglier, a person can only guess what may be going on inside their bodies. Most people don't automatically assume that they have an illness that will never go away. We expect to be able to go to a doctor, receive a diagnosis and then the proper medication to make a recovery. Before my diagnosed with Crohn's Disease, I went through several different doctors trying to figure out what was wrong. The first two trips to an urgent care brought no answers. Their referral to a general practitioners office gave me a false ...

Swollen tender breasts A twinge of nausea Extra bathroom breaks The first symptoms of the precarious condition A human incubator Ravenous and moody Weeks of tests to follow Glucose tolerance Trisomy 18 Triple screen Sound waves create a premature image On to weight gain and stretch marks The pit stop and road map of the state Indigestion induces involuntary vomit Water retention fattens face and feet The day will soon come, but first try to sleep! Uterine convulsions harden Squeezing life The cervix ripens and thins A one woman birthing show now begins The sound of life reverberates Underwater heart thuds A catheter is threaded Into the spine Intentionally Causing partial paralysis Causing partial pain relief Waiting for the order to push Waiting to deliver Involuntary bowel movements Wiped up discreetly by a nurse Blood vessels bulge where the sun don't shine Hug the back of your knees and squeeze Breathe Squeeze Rip from vagina to anus S...

If you are not strong enough to hold my tears Bypass The toll will be much too expensive I will always wear my heart for sunglasses The thought of love Burns my eyes Don't bother to try and hold my hand If yours is too slippery Nothing is hidden inside or out I give you x-ray vision See through me Like plastic wrap You slide in wearing tinfoil Shiny soldier Only trying to conquer With armor that all too quickly rusts No one is strong enough To hold my weight So I flutter my feathers Stay flying high The strength of my soul Is never up for debate If you know you can't win Or do not even want to Why do you bother to try? The strength is the problem My muscles scare people away Not biceps or quads The ones in my heart, my eyes My mind Is a sumo wrestler Who just ate dinner But is always ready for the next meal At first this is the source of my appeal The end proves it to be a little too real All the while my muscles Keep growing Leaving the p...