SerenitySavage

Nevermind I thought you were one of my kind Quick to quip With a mouth always tripped Nevermind Thought you could sneak up behind Catch me off my balanced guard You with your Ace in my Joker's card Nevermind The offer has now been declined Next up if you can handle a strong mind Whose in line? Nevermind The stars were misaligned The joke is on me As it will always be Nevermind I'll turn right Left myself behind A blind mastermind Nevermind This mouth gets me into trouble I should just stay quiet One day I'll start a riot Nevermind Time to change and refrain I look in the mirror and she says Nevermind I am divine

My lover encompasses me Fingers intertwining with my hair Pulling out the thirsty strands My lover is an elevator Up and down With no emergency stop He makes me pay If I don't give him special attention The jealousy is painful My lover gets lost inside of me Scratching his way out Erupting from beneath my skin My lover keeps me guessing He always makes time for a surprise visit Never a long distance relationship He is a drug addict Desperate for the next dose Of my platinum liquid fuel He keeps me up at night Worrying about what trouble He will get us into next My lover is a sadist Beating me into submission Leaving me hogtied and vulnerable Goodbye my lover I beg him to find another Still he never strays Faithful to me forever he will be My lover named Crohn's There is no time for any other

I like to look at myself Though other people's eyes See what they see And how they think of me To some I am an inspiration For others a flying failure A lovely innocent girl Or a tornado about to unfurl I take inspiration from everything So don't be surprised If I write a few lines To complain, bitch, moan and whine I am not for everyone This one of the few things I know Love me, want me, or hate me too At least I was able to pull an emotion from you So how do you see me And why should I care? Your opinion doesn't determine my self esteem I was not made to see through your dreams What you see is what you get If you don't like what I am I have no reason to care We don't even breathe the same air

Tom Petty once sang, "The waiting is the hardest part". If only that was the case with autoimmune disorders. Although, there is something to be said about waiting for the next flare. The next eruption from a disease that inevitably lurks around the corner. Sometimes it seems like the waiting is the only constant. Autoimmune disorders are self mutilating diseases. They pick at a person's body in various different ways. More times than not, they come with sister diseases. For example, I have Crohn's Disease, and the medication I am on caused psoriasis which is another autoimmune issue. I have had to become an expert on waiting. At the beginning of this disease manifestation, I waited frantically for answers. I waited in countless doctors offices trying to find relief. Waited to explain my symptoms over and over again to different medical professionals to no avail. I waited for test results that couldn't conclude anything. I waited for a diagnosis. I have waite

If I was an egg I would be hard boiled Or maybe just soft scrambled Alpha woman In the middle of a Beta world A monkey In a room full of goats Biting of more than I can chew Just to see if I choke The only enemy I allow Is the one that stares back From the mirror At the weakest moments Come the strongest moves Close my eyes And count to death My cover is cracked Golden yolk spilling out For everyone to dip their toast in Be careful not to step on the shells They will slice open Your Achilles

Lonely came knocking again last night Haven’t engaged with it for a while The dark friend has reared its droopy head again Reminding me of what I do not have Looking for love from every random Someone as true to themselves as I am to me Searching for something that does not exist Imaginary treasure The only thing I have ever lost is love and my mind It was half bent when we met Severed when you left The stitches won’t hold the wound inside The depth of the self is endless and morphing A hundred different souls in one single being Should never leave you lonely Lonely means empty, the mind is always full So I redirect my admiration and respect I am the one that deserves it Stop wasting efforts on those that set fires Start loving the lone in lonely