SerenitySavage

I’m a broken record That plays the worst song I speak in poems  But always get the words wrong   Crafted from sugar and spite And everything trite You want my mouth full  But you don’t care what I have to say I force forgiveness Just as much as I force kindness On people that never Even want it My mouth is full of cuts From trying to swallow The realization that I don’t fucking matter  A saltwater reservoir  Behind green eyes Glistens and All you want is a mouthful Of broken teeth And jagged jaw I have a mouth full of venom Are you sure you want that? It’s nice to know where I stand So I know where not to sit With a mouth  Full of cavities  From chewing on my insecurities  There is no room for anything else I’m so much more than a mouthful I will gag you with my truth  The only me you ever knew Was the one just trying to keep up with you

I surround myself with beauty  To drown out the disgust My garden grows flowers Unreasonably exquisite  Safe enough for the fawns To grow up digesting the petals  I live in color Violent purple hair To rainbow glitter toes My house is a vibrant  Kaleidoscope of circus hues  Bright and vivid  I meet these magical men Extraordinary specimens From around the world And four doors down None of them want to hold my hand Unless it’s in his pants The one that did pick me for matrimony  Chose someone else’s life to ruin His own That was much more important  Than anything I  Could ever have contributed  So I create  From my hate It turns the ugly in me Into something I can look at Without remorse or False positivity  No matter what I do  To gather happiness It always seeps through my basket Leaving bits of magic For others to pick up On the trail behind me

You can not devalue me When I already am worthless Just an open vessel Colorful as it may be An empty glass  On the brink of shatter 

For as long as I can remember  I have been angry Middle school bullies  One of whom just died  Had me envisioning violence  Was she ever even a bully It was she just the same as I? Anger on the basketball court  I got the aggression out  In competition  Fouls and free throws In college I got mad  At my best friend  It’s hard to live in a dorm cell  And we don’t talk anymore Bitter as arugula in every restaurant  I have ever served a salad The public is poison But so am I My husband ran away Because all I could do was yell  He was never willing to admit He was the chef of his own hell  Now the men I meet Are so easily checked off the list Fuck this. Fuck him. Fuck that. Fuck you Got another best friend  Only to find he has stage 4 Nasofuckingpharangeal Carcinoma Anger multiplied by sadness Makes for pretty poetry I wonder if Edgar Allan Poe Was mad at the Raven When does it end? I am surrounded by flowers  But can only feel the bee stings Will I just always be The girl that’s mad at the