one thursday morning with Crohn's

foul vomitus
erupts from my stomach
purges from my esophagus
burning my throat
retching in the bowl

breathe. is it over?
never even begun

heaving. heavy Breathing
when does my yoga breath sink in?
hyper emesis
again, again, again

minutes. hours
gagging on the nausea

regurgitating the pain
over and over
unyielding disgorgement
blood vessels explode
my hands are tingling
legs going numb

help. I need help.
call. they come

same questions repeated
get up!  she says
I can't move I can't talk
get me up! can't you see the jello knees?

the ride is cold and bumpy
too long. only sympathy. no help

I don't remember one face
I didn't look at anyone but my son
his face buried in his pillow as they pulled me away

no dignity resides snot freely flows
into my emesis bag, my forehead resting on it
my head bobs with the bumps in the road
the man beside me holds my back so I may sit up
to hurl nothing but noise into my little green bag

no fluid left to come up only my peace
being violently emitted
iv's inserted in limp arms
BP high BP low

begging for help, help or death
whimpering spitting blood
no liquid left for tears
no one cares no one stops

still no help.  3 hours so far. 2 hours more before
finally the drugs. I drop the bag I have been clenching
and spitting my insides into for so long
head lulls. no liquid left for tears

another scan no answers you are fine
but now there is something wrong with your heart
yeah I know it's been broken
working on repairing it and they tell me it's still fucked up
I'll write about it.  it's the only way I know how to heal it

what the fuck have you got next for me body?
kidneys? you got stones? pancreas, liver, you two ok?
hang on brain you are the best of what we've got
hold on even when everything else rots








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