This picture will always be one of my favorites, but not for the reasons you might think. I was smack dab in the middle of the absolute worst time of my life, just trying to put on a smile for these three little people that were and are still much more important than me. Nanna was only 2 months old, Luca 16 months, and Anthoni was 8. My body felt ravaged, like it had been pregnant for nearly two years straight and my mind was going downhill. Fast. I was so alone. Covered with kids at all times, but more alone than I have ever felt. It did not make sense. It’s the part of motherhood that no one tells you about. You give up your own identity in order to raise a new one. I knew what depression was. I had dealt with it since my teenage years, so that was nothing new. Postpartum depression was a much deeper hole. I was supposed to be so overwhelmed with love for these little people that nothing else mattered. Who cares if I hadn’t taken a shower in 4 days or slept more than thirty cons...
I’m currently sitting at my most least favorite car place, Merchant's Tire and Auto. They changed their name to NTB several years ago, but it will always just be Merchant’s to me. It doesn’t matter what I do, I always end up spending 2 plus hours in this damn place. Today I set an appointment for an oil change and am leaving with a new set of tires an alignment and $1000 poorer. Despite all of that, I still keep coming here. They have always done all the maintenance on my Odyssey mom van and I don’t really feel like they try to rip me off too badly. I always bring my notebook with me to write. I have written several poems in the waiting room of this grimy car shop. I’m writing this from the same spot right now. But I don’t feel poetic right now, just reflective. There is a couple here that made me feel the urge to go prose. Characters in my day. There is a tall skinny, furry necked man sitting across from me as I first sit down. I could hear him as I was checking in. Grunting and ...
Look at this man. Can you see the shame in his eyes? I can. That’s the look of a man that abandoned 5 children in the United States only to flee the country, running away from all of his business and personal responsibilities, just to start a third family in some carefree gorgeous paradise. That’s the look of a man that owes my three children and I over $72,000 in back child support and alimony. Not to mention how much he owes to the girl he cheated on me with for the two kids he spawned with her. On a side note, I wonder how she feels about him these days? Doesn’t this man look proud? Just look at him! This 40 plus year old man dressing and acting like he’s still in his 20’s. He’s still so vivid and virile! He has to be in order to keep up with that pretty little young thing he has impregnated. I am highly doubtful she is even out of her 20’s. She didn’t like the fact that I posted this photo of their new happy family on my social media stories a few days ago, so I decided ...
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