Sick and Pissed Forever

I’ve known I was going to be sick forever since 2016 and I’m so fucking tired of it. I’m tired of having to be my own advocate in the healthcare system. I’m tired of Blue Cross and their bullshit. I’m tired of worrying about what will happen to my kids if something happens to me, considering their father is worthless. I’m tired of trying to figure out what symptom goes with what fucking disease. To the extent that now every weird pain or symptom I get makes me think something else is wrong with me. I feel like a paranoid sick fucking mess. I don’t want anybody’s sympathy, I just want to scream this shit at the top of my lungs. It’s an exhaustive non stop roller coaster of pain, uncertainty and fear. And I’m tired.

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