The Mom I've Never Been

Sometimes I can't stand to hear the sound of my own voice
The tone and inflection are not always a free choice
It explodes with the force of  gunpowder residue
Old annoyances and anger cause my senses to misconstrue

Let me eat my tongue, disable vocal chords
With children, let me stop drawing the sword
They look to me for guidance and security
All I can give them is insipid immaturity

I don't know what I'm doing with these kids
There is no instruction manual for this
Forgiving myself is the obstacle faced
Everyday of this life's lost race

A perfect parent I, like us all, will never be
All I can hope is they aren't fucked up permanently
Never dreamed I'd be single on this journey
Still years to go battling this fury

The worst thing to do would be to pass along
These flaws I have that I find so wrong
The world shouts crazy at the rage I feel
I tell you all about it, let you know it's real

No one wants to be a defeated mean momma
The mean in me just screams causing us all more trauma
Four heads rely on what's behind this forehead
Memories ingrained with every word that's said

I am well aware of this face I wear
Sharp enough to know it's there
Everyday I'll try again
To be the mom I have never been



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