Hindsight
"Hindsight" (Isn't that what we are all writing about today?)
Our last date was five years ago, New Year’s Eve 2015. Looking back it was clear he did not want to be in my presence. My mother was in town to help with the kids and I was looking forward to a night out away from them. He came home sometime after eight. With a slightly irritated sigh, he asked me where I wanted to go. Assuming he was only tired from working all day, I said, “I don’t care. Just take me out of this house.” A look of guilt mashed with pity crossed his face. In hindsight, it was a look that had become painfully familiar over the past couple of months.
We ended up at some Japanese hibachi place, a little too close to their closing time. The irritation of the staff was palpable. They too were eager to begin their new year festivities, but I didn’t care. I was determined to have a nice meal with my husband. Afterwards, we had planned to return to our own restaurant and shoot off fireworks with our oldest son and some of the staff. In hindsight, he seemed preoccupied that some of them wouldn’t show.
As we sat there together watching the chef prepare our meals, the conversation was sparse. I remember rubbing his back and feeling like he was distant. Very early into the meal, I started to get nauseated. I ended up rushing to the bathroom because I thought I was going to vomit all over the hibachi grill. No one wants that mixed with their fried rice and sauteed vegetables. We left relatively quickly after that. I ended up in bed, throwing up for the rest of the evening. Truthfully, I had been sick for months, I just didn’t start shitting blood until after he completely abandoned us a few weeks later. In hindsight, this was Crohn’s Disease creeping out and making itself known.
He had fireworks to attend to, so he kissed me goodbye and went to the restaurant. When he came home a couple of hours later, he came in and sat on the edge of the bed. With relief in his voice, he said “Adrianna and Mike ended up showing up for the fireworks after all.” I remember thinking, who the fuck cares if that shitbag of a girl showed up, but I was half asleep so I didn’t let it fully register. In hindsight, this was his deciding night.
Our first date was December 28, 2002. It was the day after a good friend’s wedding. He was persistent about taking me out and he begged and bugged me until I said yes. I don’t remember where we went that night, probably nowhere special. We ended up at my apartment with me telling him that he was a “ great kisser” For some reason, he always thought that was funny. From the first date to the last, we had thirteen years. Thirteen years, three kids, three houses, four cats, about five restaurants, countless lies and even more laughs. In hindsight, I would do it all over again.
Today is New Year’s Eve 2019. Seventeen years since our lips first met. We cried together on the phone today. As everything with him, this was unexpected. He is opening a new restaurant tomorrow. Just not with me this time. He replaced the mom in our mom and pop dreams. Will she be a part of it or will he make her stay home like he did with me, until she is sick for him? Will she hire his new love affair just like I did all those years ago? Time will always tell the future. As for me, my hindsight is damn near perfect in 2020.
Our last date was five years ago, New Year’s Eve 2015. Looking back it was clear he did not want to be in my presence. My mother was in town to help with the kids and I was looking forward to a night out away from them. He came home sometime after eight. With a slightly irritated sigh, he asked me where I wanted to go. Assuming he was only tired from working all day, I said, “I don’t care. Just take me out of this house.” A look of guilt mashed with pity crossed his face. In hindsight, it was a look that had become painfully familiar over the past couple of months.
We ended up at some Japanese hibachi place, a little too close to their closing time. The irritation of the staff was palpable. They too were eager to begin their new year festivities, but I didn’t care. I was determined to have a nice meal with my husband. Afterwards, we had planned to return to our own restaurant and shoot off fireworks with our oldest son and some of the staff. In hindsight, he seemed preoccupied that some of them wouldn’t show.
As we sat there together watching the chef prepare our meals, the conversation was sparse. I remember rubbing his back and feeling like he was distant. Very early into the meal, I started to get nauseated. I ended up rushing to the bathroom because I thought I was going to vomit all over the hibachi grill. No one wants that mixed with their fried rice and sauteed vegetables. We left relatively quickly after that. I ended up in bed, throwing up for the rest of the evening. Truthfully, I had been sick for months, I just didn’t start shitting blood until after he completely abandoned us a few weeks later. In hindsight, this was Crohn’s Disease creeping out and making itself known.
He had fireworks to attend to, so he kissed me goodbye and went to the restaurant. When he came home a couple of hours later, he came in and sat on the edge of the bed. With relief in his voice, he said “Adrianna and Mike ended up showing up for the fireworks after all.” I remember thinking, who the fuck cares if that shitbag of a girl showed up, but I was half asleep so I didn’t let it fully register. In hindsight, this was his deciding night.
Our first date was December 28, 2002. It was the day after a good friend’s wedding. He was persistent about taking me out and he begged and bugged me until I said yes. I don’t remember where we went that night, probably nowhere special. We ended up at my apartment with me telling him that he was a “ great kisser” For some reason, he always thought that was funny. From the first date to the last, we had thirteen years. Thirteen years, three kids, three houses, four cats, about five restaurants, countless lies and even more laughs. In hindsight, I would do it all over again.
Today is New Year’s Eve 2019. Seventeen years since our lips first met. We cried together on the phone today. As everything with him, this was unexpected. He is opening a new restaurant tomorrow. Just not with me this time. He replaced the mom in our mom and pop dreams. Will she be a part of it or will he make her stay home like he did with me, until she is sick for him? Will she hire his new love affair just like I did all those years ago? Time will always tell the future. As for me, my hindsight is damn near perfect in 2020.
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